A few thoughts, if I can remember them, on the jittery, anxious, grumpy, at-loose-ends way of being that results from too many nights up with the baby. (Wait, that sounds like some nights we’re NOT up with the baby. Not so. Lately it’s just a lot more.)
1. There is a direct, linear relationship between sleeplessness and depression. And aggression. And memory loss. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, because if they do they’re an asshole.
2. Sometimes things are inappropriately funny when you are severely sleep-deprived. Nowhere near often enough, though.
3. Eating is a basic and necessary ritual that becomes less attractive and harder to remember. Eat something.
4. The full beauty of chronic sleep deprivation is that at some point sleep is no longer desirable, nor attainable. Under these circumstances, it’s best to warn those around you. Because, really, they shouldn’t be.
5. Don’t talk to anyone you have to go through a phone tree to reach. Do not, under any circumstances, try to figure out why you’ve paid out $8000 so far this year for health costs when your family has a $5000 deductible. It’s not good for anyone.
6. It is unlikely that your child will suffocate in his sleep — or not — simply because you are awake to hear him. For real, my friends.
7. Potty training. There, I said it. Not a conversation to have under these circumstances. Big brother will have to cope with diapers for a little longer until someone — anyone — has the fortitude to remember where the potty is, let alone get his pantsless bottom on it.
Crap. There were others but I don’t remember them.